Using RAIN to work through anxious thoughts

Learn about RAIN, a tool for practicing mindfulness and dealing with anxious thoughts. My application of RAIN resulted in less anxiety and more fun.

Last week we took a family vacation to a dude ranch in Tucson. The boys loved learning to horseback ride, fishing, and playing outdoors. Andrew and I loved having a break, hiking, and soaking in the spa. It was a great experience. And, I had anxiety. This time, my reaction to the anxiety was different. Clearly, my efforts to be more mindful really paid off. I was able to use a technique called RAIN to push past the anxiety and have fun anyway.

What is RAIN?

When I started listening to Tara Brach’s talks on mindfulness, I heard her use the acronym RAIN. Apparently, it was developed decades ago by Michele McDonald as a tool for practicing mindfulness and self-compassion.[1] As Brach explains it, RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Natural awareness.

• Recognize: Develop the ability to label your thoughts. Pause to recognize what is happening. I mentioned this before in my post on labeling emotions.

• Allow: Acknowledge it is ok to have these thoughts without trying to change them. Every emotion is allowed, it’s what we do with them, that’s most important. In other words, show yourself some self-compassion.

• Investigate: Dive deeper into your thoughts and feelings. Do a real-time assessment of what is occurring in your mind and body. This is similar to the “pause for mindfulness” I’ve been using to end the war with anxiety.

• Natural awareness: Be cognizant of what is happening physically and mentally while not identifying with it. In other words, you aren’t your thoughts. As you work on RAIN, you become more naturally aware of the passing nature of thoughts. Note: I’ve also seen RAIN taught as RAINN with this part representing Nurture and Not-identify. Practice self-compassion, being kind and non-judgmental. Don’t take your thoughts personally or allow your thoughts/feelings to define you.

When I first heard it, RAIN sounded catchy, but I still wasn’t adept at actually using it. I could sit down and write out a RAIN response to anxiety, but then would forget to use it in the moment. As a whole, I got it intellectually, but not practically. Since starting my Commitment to Calm, practicing mindfulness daily, and listening to guided meditations regularly, I’ve been practicing these elements in small bites. Last week it became evident these short pauses to practice mindfulness were actually helping me practice RAIN without realizing it.

As I wrote this post, I realized I had a breakthrough with RAIN. I wrote down the steps I took to manage my anxious thoughts while on vacation. I thought, “wouldn’t it be great if there were a concise way to summarize what I did?” And that’s when it hit me. Oh wow, this is RAIN. I did it! All those meditations are starting to pay off. RAIN is becoming a habit.

If this can work for me, it can for you, too. Below, I walk you through my RAIN application, but you can practice this on your own. Try Tara Brach’s guided RAIN meditation. I also love Diana Winston’s guided meditations through the UCLA Mindful Awareness Podcasts. She uses the RAINN variation, and you can practice her guided meditation here.

How I used RAIN

We enjoyed Tucson for three nights. The day before we were scheduled to go home, Andrew suggested letting the boys do another morning of the kids’ camp. They were having so much fun enjoying the new experiences. When I looked at the schedule of activities, Thursday morning offered “Parents Riding with Kiddos.” It was a horseback ride for both kids and adults, that involved a ride through the desert to a pancake breakfast cookout.

To most people, Parents Riding with Kiddos sounds great. To an anxious mind, this sounds uncertain, uncontrollable, and full of risk. After making the conscious decision to end the war with anxiety, I am more calm and less anxious. Buuuuuut, I still felt anxious about Parents Riding with Kiddos. Not gonna lie. On the one hand, it sounded like a lot of fun. I looked forward to a novel family adventure. On the other hand, I was nervous to let go of control and try something new. Anxiety is a real buzz kill in this way.

Worry about tomorrow steals the joy from today.

BARBARA CAMERON

Right before bed, we told the kids about our plans. Rocco’s smile beamed from across the room. His excitement caught me off guard. He likes us! He still wants to hang out with us! Anxiety be damned, there was no going back. We were committed. No way we could back out and force our kids to eat alone while their friends ate with their families. This was going to happen regardless of my anxiety.

My rational brain was excited. My anxious brain had other plans. The racing thoughts woke me in the middle of the night. My head was filled with dread and worry.

What if something goes wrong? What if it’s dangerous? How long is the ride going to take? What if it’s too long and I can’t get away? I need an escape plan. How can I get out of this? What if I have to pee and there’s no bathroom? What will I do if I feel anxious? What if I have a panic attack? How far into the desert are we going? Will I be dehydrated? What if there’s an emergency and we’re stranded? I don’t know where we’re going. Can I just walk and meet everyone there? What will my excuse be? I won’t be able to get off the horse if I’m uncomfortable. What if I’m stuck on the ride, anxious, and miserable? What if I have issues with my heartrate? How will I get back to the hotel if my heart is racing or I’m dizzy? If I do get out of it, I’ll be stuck at the hotel by myself. What if something goes wrong and I’m here by myself? How disappointed will the boys be if I cancel?

And on, and on my anxious mind went. I knew I needed to slow down. First, I focused on my breath. The more I practice meditation, the easier it’s getting to pause for a breath. (More about this another time!) Instead of a mindless, shallow breath, I deepened my inhale and slowed by exhale, repeating my mantra.

This is my inhale. This is my exhale.

Then, I recognized my thoughts for what they were. I did a mental bow to the anxiety. I labeled what was happening.

There it is. That’s my anxiety. I’m feeling anxious about the excursion. I’m not surprised.

Anxiety didn’t give a damn about being reasonable, and I’m learning to stop trying to rationalize the anxiety away. I leaned into feeling my emotions. Instead of mentally arguing with or running from the anxiety, I allowed the anxiety to be there.

I understand these thoughts are just my anxiety. I don’t have to try to change them.

After a few more deep breaths, my focus shifted to my body. I paid attention to the places where my anxiety was manifesting. For me, it’s usually my chest or stomach. I investigated, noting the physical sensation without judgement or emotion. Instead of worrying about the tightness in my chest, I approached it with curiosity. I took note as if reporting what I felt to an outsider.

Huh. There’s some tightness in my chest. Yes, some tingling in the pit of my stomach. Fluttering.

Interestingly, simply noting the physical sensations in a non-judgmental way actually decreased the severity of them. It’s paradoxical, but the more I investigated, the less the sensations were a problem. It’s as if my body was screaming for attention. When I paused to give it what it needed, it stopped. The chest tightness didn’t completely go away, but my muscles relaxed.

And finally, I showed myself compassion. Instead of trying to rationalize with myself or beating myself up for such silly worries, I nurtured myself with kindness and reminded myself to not take it personally. I talked to myself like I would a friend or my child.

You’re safe. It’s ok to feel like this. You’re going to be just fine. These are just anxious thoughts that don’t mean anything.

When I write it out, the process seems like it takes a long time. In reality, it took a few minutes at the most. At the time, I didn’t realize I was practicing RAIN as I wasn’t consciously labeling my steps. I was simply talking to myself the way I’ve been practicing. I cycled through this approach for a while until I fell back asleep.

Fun and priceless memories

The next morning, I woke up ready for the horseback ride. The anxious thoughts still floated in and out, but I chose to have fun anyway. And it was an adventure! Andrew was assigned “Cowboy,” a horse who needed space and didn’t like other horses. This made for an interesting ride considering the horses had to walk single file, up the mountain, and on top of each other. The look in Andrew’s eyes when Cowboy started to kick and stomp still makes me laugh out loud.

It was an enjoyable horseback ride, as wild coyotes, birds, bunnies, and dear crossed our path. Andrew and I were both relieved to hop off the horses and take a break for breakfast. I was happy I made it and didn’t experience any of the “what-ifs” that woke me the night before. Andrew was relieved Cowboy eventually fell in line, only stopping to occasionally protest before continuing with the crowd. As we lined up for breakfast, Andrew and I doubled over laughing at ourselves. Such city slickers!

We ate a delicious blueberry pancake breakfast at the top of a lookout, with views of the surrounding desert preserve. The air was crisp and clean, the sky cloudless and blue. Our bellies and hearts were full. It was, by far, the best part of our trip. And I almost missed it.

My anxiety robbed me of fun moments in the past. Not this time. I still experienced the anxiety, but I chose a different path with the help of RAIN. I felt anxious, and I had fun anyway.

Tell me about your experience using RAIN. Leave me a comment!

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[1] https://www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice/