Think play is for kids? Think again. Read about the role of play in well-being, including how it can help with anxiety. Here’s why I’m rethinking play and you should too!

Do you make time for play? If you’re like me and millions of other adults, playful activities are frequently put on the back burner so the more pressing “adulting” can occur. However, research shows that play is important for childhood development and remains crucial throughout the remainder of our lives.

Recently, I listened to a podcast discussing play as a way to build resiliency and decrease anxiety. It had me thinking, “Could play be a pathway to calm?” This piqued my interest, and I did some follow-up research. Turns out, play has a significant impact on well-being and can help with anxiety. It has me rethinking my concept of play, and perhaps you should too.

Here’s what we should all know about play.

Play defined

Dr. Stuart Brown is a foundational advocate for and researcher of play. I previously mentioned his research in my post on having fun by trying something new.

Read more on the benefits of trying something new here.

In one article, Dr. Brown and Madelyn Eberle define play as purposeless, voluntary, and pleasurable.[1] It’s an activity we do simply for the fun or enjoyment of it. It can be so enjoyable that we become engrossed in the activity and lose sense of time, ego, or even biological demands.

I witness this every time my family has dinner with another family. The playful interactions between the kids aren’t forced. There is no purpose, other than fun. The kids get so caught up in playing together that they hardly take a break to eat. It’s not until we’re driving home that they start complaining about thirst, hunger, and exhaustion.

Play is in the eye of the beholder

Even with some core elements of play defined, it remains a complex construct. Play is truly in the eye of the beholder as a unique and subjective experience. In other words, what is play to you may not be play to me.

Play is both subjective and something we all know when we see it or feel it. According to Brown, play is about a state of being. Although we often engage in doing while playing, the experience and state of mind are at the heart of it. Thus, play offers a great way to practice being, not doing.

Being, not doing was first mentioned on the blog here!

Play is both a personal experience and subjective. It can mean something quite different to each of us, depending on our life circumstances, age, culture and more.”[2]

For example, my family was in the car this weekend and my youngest asked his brother if he wanted to play “Punch.” I turned to my husband bewildered, “Is Punch a game!?! I don’t like the sound of it.” He laughed and responded, “Clearly you didn’t grow up a boy. Of course, that’s a game.” Punch may be a game the boys enjoy, but definitely not one I’ll be playing anytime soon.

Ultimately, play is about having an enjoyable experience. Playing is unique to each of us. It’s a way to be present in the moment and feel content, both of which can boost well-being.

Absence of play

As adults, we tend to play less and work more. This is partly out of necessity since our adult obligations are quite different. Yet, we also tend to neglect play because it isn’t valued in our productivity, accomplishment-focused culture.

If I think back, I know I became less playful in college when my over-achiever perfectionist kicked into high gear and my anxiety reared its ugly head. To excel in school was an overwhelming time suck, gobbling up all my attention and leaving very little energy for more enjoyable activities. I still managed to do fun things like hike and attend the occasional concert. However, time for play was often replaced with time for work.

In its very definition, play is a purposeless activity. It’s not about fulfilling a life-sustaining need or being productive. In contrast, adults often focus on activities that serve a purpose – those that must get done as adults – preventing us from prioritizing fun.

In The Science of Play, Brown emphasizes that this transition away from play occurs even earlier in childhood.[3] Well-meaning parents over-structure their children’s lives in hopes the kids will be competitive on college applications. In addition, younger children may miss out on play because their overprotective parents keep them from unstructured play and exploration.

There are many reasons play gets neglected. Whether it’s a focus on doing over being, driven by a high need for achievement, or due to overly protective parents, many of us aren’t getting enough play. Failing to prioritize play is inadvertently sucking the fun out of life and negating our well-being.

Lack of play can have dire consequences. Brown researched incarcerated murderers and found that many of them grew up deprived of play.[4] In less extreme examples, lack of play in both children and adults was associated with higher susceptibility to depression, anxiety, and impulsivity.[3] Thankfully, most of us don’t grow up to be murderers, but even in these less extreme examples, lack of play can be detrimental to well-being.

Rethinking play

While experienced as simply having fun, play really is a safe way to learn, grow, bond, and so much more. Far from pointless, play is fundamental to both physical and mental well-being, a point we forget as we age.

Perhaps a reframing of play is in order. Adults are more likely to prioritize play if they understand the benefits. In The Happiness Advantage Shawn Achor summarized this argument perfectly. “If our mindset conceives of free time, hobby time, or family time as non-productive, then we will, in fact, make it a waste of time.”[5] In other words, if we don’t rethink play, we won’t do it.

For more lessons from The Happiness Advantage, read this!

Adults tend to shun play because they neglect to see how necessary and beneficial it can be. Our view of play affects if we play and how we play. It’s impossible to make the connection between play and mental well-being without both this knowledge and the right mindset.

So, here’s a few important reasons you should reconsider and prioritize play.

Benefits of play

There’s quite a bit of data to support the idea that play is fundamental in both youth and adulthood. In his career, Brown conducted or reviewed thousands of clinical play histories which “demonstrated that healthy play patterns appeared linked to personal vitality, resilience, optimism and well-being.”[3] His research showed childhood play contributed to success as adults, while play-deprived childhoods were associated with negative consequences.[4]

Play “assures the fulfilled player a better quality of life, decreases stress, connects them better with their particular communities, keeps them optimistic,…(and) fosters empathy.”[3] Social relationships, optimism, and empathy are all good for well-being. Here are a few more benefits of play.

Brain development

Play is innate, “embedded within all humans, and has been generated and refined by nature for over one hundred million years.”[3] Research on the brains of rats revealed play is an innate behavior, hard-wired into core functional areas of the mammal brain. Just as with animals, there is a link between healthy play and critical brain development in humans. We need play to survive and thrive.

Learning & forging relationships

When we play, we learn to adapt, innovate, create, master new skills, and build relationships, among other things. When two or more people play together, it can build trust. Mutual attunement intensifies when chasing, engaging, and pretending. Empathy can develop during role play and cooperative games. The social and developmental benefits are endless.

For example, my son, Ike, loves to play Zombie Apocalypse with a group of school friends. The rules are always evolving, and the kids create new ways to save themselves and find shelter. They cooperate to save humankind by thinking in non-linear, imaginative ways. It doesn’t matter if it’s pretend-play or something an adult would find silly, it’s a way of building important character traits and working together.

Play facilitates these childhood relationships, but also helps adults and seniors. Brown recommends play be used more often to counter loneliness and sadness for seniors.[3] With opportunities to play with their peers, seniors can maintain social bonds, stay mentally sharp, and boost overall well-being. It’s not just for kids!

Fun over perfection

In addition, play is a wonderful way to focus on enjoyment over perfection. Recently, I listened to an interview with Jeff Harry, a consultant, coach, and speaker, who teaches individuals and companies to feel happy and fulfilled by engaging in the act of play.[6] He drew a distinction between play and perfection, labeling them opposites.

On the one hand, perfection centers around the ego, feelings of shame, a need to be right, and fear of failure. As I’ve discussed before, life can be painful when you’re a perfectionist. On the other hand, play focuses on curiosity, awe, experimentation, and tolerance for mistakes. It helps to balance perfectionistic strivings with well-being.

For more on my discussion of perfectionism and the best way to counter it, read this!

Quiet the mind

According to Brown and Eberle, play can be a source of refuge because it quiets the mind from chatter and worry. When we’re fully engrossed in an enjoyable activity, we aren’t able to give much attention to mental chatter.

I’ve personally experienced this during step class, which I consider a form of play. I get lost in the fun choreography and think of nothing else. When a thought does pop up, I mess up and lose my footing. It forces me to release the thought and go back to the playful movement. The chatter and the fun simply can’t coexist.

Find your flow

Similarly, play is an opportunity to experience flow, which occurs when a person becomes completely immersed in an enjoyable activity. All sense of self-consciousness and time melt away as the person is completely absorbed in the task. Flow activities are so enjoyable, intrinsically rewarding, and engaging, the person becomes fully present in the moment. Flow can boost happiness.[7] Play is one way to get there.

For a brief discussion of flow, read this!

Preparation for future struggles

Play is a perfect opportunity to learn the skills needed to deal with future stressors and dangers. It offers an opportunity for practicing in a non-threatening and lower pressure environment. The skills we develop during play can be applied when there is a true threat.

This function of play is evident in the animal kingdom. In a recent 60 Minutes episode on mountain gorilla conservation efforts in Rwanda, there was footage of gorillas playing in the wild.[9] Leslie Stahl explained how the gorillas play for both fun and to practice fighting. Play fighting allows gorillas to learn how to defend themselves in the absence of a threat. They use these skills later when they have to fight for dominance or in self-defense.

My boys are masters at play fighting. It’s a natural desire, an innate drive I can’t control. Despite my best efforts, they are always wrestling. In the past, I chalked it up to them being boys. Now I understand it’s much more than that. Maybe “punch” isn’t such a bad game after all.

Decrease childhood anxiety

Research demonstrates that play can decrease anxiety in children.[9] It’s been studied for over thirty years![10] In one study, third grade children who participated in sand play therapy showed a decrease in anxiety compared to students who did not participate in the play intervention.[11]

Play can even ease anxieties for ill children. Those who participated in 30 minutes of play per day while hospitalized had fewer negative emotions and lower levels of anxiety than children receiving typical hospital care.[12] If it works for children, it’s worth a shot for adults!

Calming the fight-or-flight response

A common nuisance for those of us living with anxiety is the inopportune stimulation of our fight-or-flight response. Play offers some training in this area.

Gwen Gordon, an expert on play, mentioned the relationship between play and the fight-or-flight response on an episode of The Psychology Podcast. Starting as a Muppet designer on Sesame Street, she now trains and coaches leaders to use play to create behavioral change. She noted that simulated fight-or-flight play activities arouse the sympathetic nervous system without resulting in the usual fear response.

I offered a brief discussion of the sympathetic nervous system here!

Remember, the sympathetic nervous system is responsible for our fight-or-flight response, whereas the parasympathetic nervous system counteracts with rest-and-digest. Play is a way to activate the fight-or-flight response in a safe environment. When there’s no real threat and the activity is enjoyable, play trains the body and mind to better tolerate this type of stimulation.

This carries huge implications if you live with anxiety and often find your fight-or-flight response triggered. Engaging in more play could be a way to both enjoy life more, and to train our minds and bodies to calm quickly when the fight-or-flight response gets activated.

One model of play therapy draws on this relationship between play and autonomic nervous system arousal.[13] According to the model, play can activate both our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic nervous system gets activated during high arousal play that involves excitement, chasing, and jumping. Simultaneously, the parasympathetic nervous system gets activated in play activities like hide-n-seek and imaginative, tender play.

This can positively affect children in therapy. When playing in a safe environment, with a trusted person, in the absence of danger, they experience positive emotions while both nervous systems are activated. They learn to tolerate stimulation during both high and low arousal, developing self-regulation and resilience, critical for calming an anxious mind.

From building resiliency, anxiety relief, preparation for future demands, and so much more, play clearly benefits both children and adults. If we are cognizant of these benefits we can shift our mindset about play, seek it out, and boost our well-being.

Play more

Engaging in play makes life a lot more enjoyable and tolerable. It’s ingrained in who we are and how we relate to each other. Plus, it can help quiet the mind and increase our tolerance for anxiety. Although the very nature of play is purposeless, it’s clear that it serves a critical function in well-being. I’d wager that most adults would benefit from more play. So how can we make that happen?

Play means different things to different people, and there’s no right answer for how we should play. Personally, I love riding my bike, going to concerts, scrapbooking, step class, and playing with my kids and dog. For you it might be something totally different. It can be gardening, surfing, playing a game or sport, making a piece of art, anything that is enjoyable.

If you haven’t played much as an adult, it might take some time to figure out what play activities are best for you. One place to start, according to Jeff Harry, is to recall how you played as a child. What was fun to you in the past is most likely to be fun in the present.

Harry offers a few more questions to help you get started. Consider, “What makes you come alive?” Things for which you have a natural interest or enthusiasm are good indicators. You can even consult your social circle. Ask friends and family when they’ve seen you the happiest, silliest, or most playful. What were you doing? The answers to these questions can give insights into how to play more.

There’s no time like the present to get started. It can be as simple as setting aside 10 minutes tonight to play with the kids or pet. It’s important to remember that play is something very productive, a way to learn, form relationships, calm our minds and bodies, and more. The task list will always be there, and play is a way to make sure we are better equipped to handle it. We owe it to ourselves to make play a priority.

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[1] Brown, S., & Eberle, M. (2017). A closer look at play. Play and creativity in psychotherapy.

[2] https://www.playcore.com/news/play-vaccinations-a-regular-dose-of-play-has-immeasurable-health-benefits

[3] https://secure.viewer.zmags.com/publication/38a71867

[4] http://www.nifplay.org/institute/about-us/

[5] Achor, S. (2010). The Happiness Advantage. New York: Crown Business. p. 73

[6] “Find Your Inner Genius” talk at Awakening Creativity: The Being & Doing Conference

[7] Nakamura J., Csikszentmihalyi M. (2014) The Concept of Flow. In: Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-017-9088-8_16

[8] https://www.cbsnews.com/news/rwanda-mountain-gorillas-60-minutes-2021-11-28/

[9] Hateli, B. (2021). The effect of non‐directive play therapy on reduction of anxiety disorders in young children. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research.

[10] Barnett, L. A., & Storm, B. (1981). Play, pleasure, and pain: The reduction of anxiety through play. Leisure Sciences, 4(2), 161-175.

[11] Khojasteh, S. (2020). The effectiveness of sand play therapy on anxiety and achievement motivation of primary school students. Quarterly Journal of Child Mental Health, 7(1), 68-80.

[12] Li, W. H., Chung, J. O. K., Ho, K. Y., & Kwok, B. M. C. (2016). Play interventions to reduce anxiety and negative emotions in hospitalized children. BMC pediatrics, 16(1), 1-9.

[13] Kestly, T. A. (2016). Presence and play: Why mindfulness matters. International Journal of Play Therapy, 25(1), 14.