Top five lessons from The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor

Achor’s The Happiness Advantage is a great book about building your capacity for happiness. Read the five best lessons on happiness you can start using today to create a happier, calmer life.

Shawn Achor is a positive psychologist who studies happiness. In his book The Happiness Advantage, he discusses specific ways we can increase our happiness to increase our success. I mentioned his TED talk before. If you haven’t watched it, you should! The brief video communicates his main point, that happiness drives success, and not the other way around. His book offers comprehensive research and lessons for application. I recently read it, and here are the top five lessons you can use to create a happier, calmer life.

Lesson #1: Happiness leads to success (and NOT the other way around!)

My ingrained prioritization of productivity over happiness has proven exhausting and ineffective, which is probably why I relate so well to Achor’s first principle: Happiness leads to success. (It’s also the major impetus behind my paradigm shift from doing to being.) His research essentially blows up the idea that success leads to happiness, despite many of us falling prey to this delusion. Instead, research shows happiness leads to success.

At times, we all think we will be happier if we just do “x.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought, “I’ll be happy when I finish this semester/lose the final five pounds/complete my Ph.D./potty train the kids/etc.” The list is endless because each time we accomplish something, the goal posts simply get moved to the next task.

Research shows happiness is not a result of performing better. In actuality, happiness comes first. Those who are happier perform better. The happiness advantage is the competitive edge experienced by those who are happy and optimistic. Positive emotions make us more productive, healthier, more creative, and better able to process information. From children performing better on tasks, to doctors making better, quicker diagnoses, to lower absenteeism in the workplace, Achor backs up his claim with multiple positive psychology studies. Those who are happy simply, do better.

The good news is, this can be taught. We can learn to behave in ways that increase our happiness and thereby make us more likely to succeed. Plus, happiness comes with added protection. Positive emotions actually relieve physical stress and anxiety, something called the undoing effect. In other words, you can undo the negative effects of a stressful event by doing something that elicits positive emotions instead. For example, go on a walk before a stressful meeting, pause to look at happy family photos during a busy workday, or play a quick game before starting work on a difficult task. Doing something enjoyable, even if just for a few minutes, can change your entire day.

There are multiple evidence-based ways to capitalize on the happiness advantage.

• Meditate: Right after meditating, people feel increased levels of calm, contentment, awareness, and empathy. Plus, meditating regularly, can permanently rewire the brain to be happier. More of my discussion on breathing, can be found here.

• Find something to look forward to: Simply anticipating a positive activity or event can bring almost as much joy as the actual experience. When we have something to look forward to and pause periodically to anticipate the upcoming event, it fulfills the pleasure center in our brains.

• Commit conscious acts of kindness: Acting altruistic towards others decreases stress and improves mental health. Achor says this doesn’t have to involve huge gestures. In order to reap maximum benefits, these acts should be proactive and involve a conscious decision to do something for others.

• Surround yourself with positivity: Make a concerted effort to ensure your surroundings are enjoyable. Frame happy family photos, limit negative media, or go outside to enjoy nature.

• Exercise: Physical activity has a long-lasting positive impact on mood, work performance, and motivation. It also decreases stress and anxiety, and can help you experience a state of flow, which I discuss in greater detail here.

• Spend money on experiences, not things: Research shows spending money on material goods won’t have an impact on our happiness, but money spent on experiences or in prosocial ways does make us feel good.

• Practice what you’re good at: Determine a skill you are particularly good at and find ways to use it. We feel happier when we can use our strengths, whether it’s on a complex task or simply making pancakes. You can also do this with your strongest character traits, what Achor calls your signature strengths. He recommends completing the survey at http://www.viasurvey.org for a glimpse into your signature strengths. Once you have these defined, make sure you have enough opportunities in your life to use them. I completed the 10 minute survey, and at the top of my list were honesty, kindness, love, and curiosity.

Lesson#2: Change your performance by changing your mindset

How we think about our life affects our reality. In other words, our experience, reality, and performance are all colored by our mindset. When we think of our day as a series of challenging and/or unenjoyable tasks, that’s exactly how we will experience it. Again, there’s good news: we can control this! We can use our brain to change how we process the world, and thereby change how we react to it.

When we think of our daily challenges as opportunities to be curious, learn, or change, our mindset shifts to focus on the positive. Our experience follows. You can change how you define a task and the language you use to describe it. For example, I can think of making dinner as a thankless, time-consuming chore. Or, I can think of it as a way to nourish and care for my family. It’s actually a way to use my signature strengths kindness and love. When I define a family meal as an opportunity to spend time with the boys and provide them with positive memories and feelings of security, it doesn’t sound like such a chore.

This applies to leisure as well. Many leaders Achor works with struggle to make time for family or hobbies. They are overly focused on being productive. I’ve often struggled with my tendency to postpone fun in favor of the to-do list, so I completely relate. Achor advises flipping the model: remember that having fun now, makes you more productive later. I appreciate his advice as I often need a gentle reminder to stop and enjoy life.

Achor also recommends a mindset shift regarding our jobs. For all aspects of our job we find unenjoyable, we need to consider their ultimate purpose. If we drill down, most of us will find that even the most trivial of tasks serves a much greater good.

For example, the responsibility to follow-up on household “problems” lies with me since Andrew isn’t home as much. I don’t love making phone calls about medical bill issues, researching and scheduling maintenance companies, or tracking our finances. However, when I drill down to the end-goal, I’m reminded I’m serving a greater purpose than solving a problem. I’m protecting our finances, maintaining our greatest asset, and helping us retire early. These are critical to our success and the financial security of our children. Does it mean I love doing the task? No. But, it does make me feel better about the important role I play.

If you consider the same for your job, you’ll likely see most unenjoyable tasks are actually necessary steppingstones to a more meaningful end-goal. When we redefine our jobs, we highlight the meaning of our work. This shifts our mindset, helps us realize the purpose we serve, and improves our happiness.

Lesson #3: Train your brain to capitalize on possibilities

It’s easy to get stuck in a pattern of constantly scanning the environment and seeing everything that needs to be improved. The more we practice this mindset, the better we get at noticing the negative. I do this all the time when I look around the house and notice everything that needs to get done. It’s like I’m constantly assessing our productivity, keeping a mental checklist of who needs to do what chore, the tasks I still haven’t accomplished for the day, and the projects we need to do around the house. It keeps me from being present in the moment and enjoying what I have right now. Like any habit, I’ve gotten really good at what I practice. According to Achor, we can train our brains to look for positive opportunities instead.

Even more compelling, focusing on the positive works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more we think positively, the more we notice positivity, the more we think positively, and so on. Psychologists refer to it as predictive encoding. Our expectation of a favorable outcome makes us more likely to notice when a favorable outcome occurs. The more we learn to focus on the positive, the more happiness, gratitude, and optimism we will feel. But it goes the other way as well. The more happiness, gratitude, and optimism we experience, the more positive our experiences and performance. It’s a win-win!

But we need to make an effort to train our brains. Achor recommends writing down three good things that happened or journaling about one positive experience each day. Research consistently reveals we can train ourselves to be more grateful with this type of a regular gratitude practice. This is why gratitude practice is such a big part of my Commitment to Calm. I’ve even started to get the kids involved since we can all benefit from a focus on the positive. It’s something our family needs to keep working at, but something that is helping us capitalize on the possibilities.  

Lesson #4: Focus on small, manageable goals first

When we believe we have control over our behavior and our future, we are more likely to experience success. Unfortunately, when we are stressed out, overworked, or overwhelmed, our sense of control diminishes, and therefore our happiness as well. To counteract this, Achor recommends focusing on small, manageable tasks. As we accomplish those small tasks at first, we regain the feeling of control. Early successes give us the resources and confidence to keep it up, slowly expanding our focus. The main point is to start small and build-in early wins.

Achor discusses the dueling sides of our brain – emotional (he calls the Jerk) and rational (the Thinker). Those of us under a lot of stress or anxiety are dominated by the Jerk, creating a fight or flight response and stress. To counteract this, we need to start small by first conquering self-awareness. I referred to this before as emotional clarity – being able to identify and verbalize your emotions. It is the first step to regaining control.

Next, we should focus on areas in which we do have control. Achor advises others to make a list of daily challenges and stresses, dividing them into two categories. One category consists of those things for which we can control the outcome. The other category includes everything we can’t control.

Choose one small thing in the “can control” column and start working on it. Once we master one thing, we expand the circle to another thing within our control. Each time we master something we increase not only our confidence, but also our commitment to keep improving. The key is to start small, and set time limits. Biting off more than we can chew sets us up for burnout and failure. Trying to do too much just creates a new, overwhelming problem.

Lesson #5: Social support is our single greatest asset

When the going gets tough, many people find it all too easy to withdraw, insulate, and turn inward. But that’s the exact opposite of what happy, successful people do. Instead, Achor highlights the importance of holding on to our social support.

Extensive studies highlight the critical role social relationships play in our success. We are social creatures after all. The pandemic, social distancing, and quarantine all served as reminders of how painful it can be to go at it alone. And yet, many of us still need a reminder to invest in these relationships. Here’s some evidence:

• A longitudinal study following men for 70 years concluded relationships were most important in determining their health, happiness, and success.

• Those categorized in the top 10% for happiness had one thing in common which set them apart from those less happy: strong social relationships.

• Social support was the strongest predictor of well-being for 1,600 undergraduates.

• Social support affects life expectancy. Lack of social support is linked with higher blood pressure and major depression. Heart attack and breast cancer survivors are more likely to survive if they have strong social support.

There are many things we can do to strengthen our social connections. We should both invest in our current relationships and in new relationships. Make it a goal to get together with friends and family, or connect in meaningful ways when in-person gatherings aren’t possible. Gratitude letters and random acts of connection are two methods I’ve written about before.

It’s not about forcing social relationships but finding the ones that work for you and nurturing them. Some things that help: being present with your attention, talking to those you work or interact with, providing recognition and positive feedback to others, and expressing gratitude.

Thankfully, a little bit of effort can actually go a long way. Even small things like ensuring eye contact and giving our undivided attention fosters relationships. This recommendation hit close to home for me. While I’m pretty good at seeing friends regularly, I often multitask when interacting with Andrew and the boys. At times I’ve thought to myself, “Did I even look up when they were talking?” There’s a lot of opportunity for me to improve these interactions by pausing to give them my attention.

In summary, Achor writes a compelling case for prioritizing happiness over success. The Happiness Advantage offers both anecdotal examples as well as extensive research on how to become happier. Obviously, these are just my top five take-aways, but there’s a lot more to be learned from reading the book yourself. I highly recommend it!

Did you read it? I want to hear your favorite lesson. Leave me a comment!

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