My Commitment to Calm included meditation, yoga, gratitude, and contentment. Read about my biggest successes after 30 days of working on calm.

At the beginning of 2021, I started my Commitment to Calm with a 30-day challenge. Now that the month is over, I’m taking a minute to reflect on insights gained throughout the experience. Overall, I consider it a giant step in the right direction. My anxiety is still here, but certainly better than it was a month ago. Throughout the 30 days of working on calm, I experienced successes, a few challenges, and a number of benefits. I’m excited about the potential for making calm a permanent state in my life.

Commitment to Calm: Successes

When I wrote my Commitment to Calm, I knew I had to start small. Successful habit change is easier when you make the new habits obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. Thus, I focused on four simple activities I thought would help me feel calm and present in my life: meditation/breathing, yoga/stretching, gratitude, and fun. Looking at my commitment taped to the refrigerator motivated me every day to do SOMETHING to create calm in my life, even if just for ten minutes (sometimes less!). This was the “power of one” at work, and probably the biggest success of the month. Simply doing something daily to care for my mental, physical, or spiritual well-being was a big improvement.

Experimenting with at least one of these activities every day also helped to determine what works for me. I created a space for yoga and figured out how to integrate it into my workout routine. Just as with yoga, meditation took some trial and error. I found that practice is key with any habit change, but especially meditation. I tried out a few different guided meditations and tried meditating at different times of the day, locations, and positions. I figured out some of the logistics that work for me but still have a lot of opportunity for growth in this area. Going forward, creating a structure will be helpful.

Commitment to Calm: Benefits

I thought the Commitment to Calm would be beneficial but was surprised by the big impact of a few moments of self-care. I had the most gains in my ability to recognize and control my emotions, something that affects me tremendously as a mother of three young boys. In addition, I felt the most contentment after practicing gratitude. Overall, I was surprised at how my sleep improved. Finally, there were several small, but significant benefits of the Commitment.

Recognizing and controlling my emotions

Since starting the challenge, I gained some emotional clarity that helped me be more purposeful with the kids. In the past, it wouldn’t take much for me to react, yell, or get angry with them. On multiple occasions this past month, I took a moment to pause and reflect before reacting. I asked myself, “Is this the way I want to act or who I want to be?” I was able to control my anger and talk instead of yell. It didn’t necessarily work every time and I still got frustrated when they misbehaved. However, I used to think my reactions were automatic, almost uncontrollable. I’m learning my reaction is my responsibility, even when it seems everyone else is bat-shit-crazy.

Realizing my role and responsibility in regulating my emotions was both liberating and scary. I can control this! Oh wait, I control this? It really forced me to look in the mirror more. As a result, I had to be a more responsible parent this month. There was less yelling and more consequences divvied out in our household, and it didn’t go unnoticed. On several occasions my middle child noted there’s “a new mom,” and instead of getting angry she takes away video games. It’s true, and we all will benefit from taking responsibility for our emotions.

Contentment from gratitude

I noticed the biggest change in my level of contentment right after practicing gratitude. I recorded a gratitude list three times this month. First, I wrote a random list of things for which I felt thankful: an afternoon with Andrew, time spent with the boys, and something about my home. It changed my mindset for the afternoon, and life felt better after making the list.

The second time I wrote a list of all the things I accomplished with the blog. Before writing it, I was doubting myself and feeling frustrated with the steep learning curve of starting a blog. I needed to practice some self-compassion. Writing it forced me to acknowledge my success and made me feel proud.

And finally, I wrote a gratitude list to alleviate some anxiety. It was very early morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Instead of watching the news while having my coffee, I wrote in my gratitude journal. The time spent writing about the great events of the week was time I couldn’t spend worrying about my anxiety. It filled my head with happy thoughts at a time when it was being overrun with negativity. It was time well spent.

Sleeping soundly

January was a month of deep sleep for me. In general, I sleep well but have a few challenges. In a given month, there will be a handful of times in which I struggle to fall asleep and/or stay asleep. When I can’t fall asleep, it’s usually because my mind is racing and I feel over-stimulated. It can take over an hour to fall asleep on these nights. In addition, there are several nights a month in which I fall asleep easily, but get woken up. I’ll toss and turn for hours before getting back to sleep. Sometimes I never do fall back asleep. These habits really changed this month.

Since starting the commitment, I am sleeping better, and my dreams have returned. There was one night I struggled to get to sleep and one night I woke early and couldn’t get back to sleep. That’s a big improvement from my baseline. What’s strange is the increase in dreaming. I know we all dream, but I haven’t experienced or remembered my dreams in years. My month of calm brought about a radical shift in this area. In the first week or so, I had three nightmares. I didn’t have three nightmares the whole previous year! The nightmares have stopped but I am now dreaming nightly. I have no idea if this is a direct result of one of my habit changes or simply a coincidence, but I do know it is a huge change.

Small, but significant benefits

Breathing more

Since starting a more consistent meditation practice, I’m remembering to breathe more frequently. At some point every day, I stopped to take a deep breath. Coming home to my breath brought immediate relief when I experienced anxiety this month. It didn’t always stop the anxiety, but it helped make it feel more manageable. It wasn’t just while anxious, but when tired or frustrated I found myself stopping for a breath. I’m learning that meditation isn’t just about an actual session, but the practice can be part of everyday life.

Being mindful

I noticed many brief moments of presence this month. It was automatic. There was no thought like, “I really need to stop and smell the roses today.” Instead, I just found myself in the moment, able to notice something beautiful around me. It was like life was stopping to show me something I usually miss. I especially noticed this new level of presence with the kids and while in nature.

Multiple times throughout the month I paused to soak up my kids cuteness. Like trying to take a photograph with my mind, I just paused to admire them and enjoy their stage in life. These precious seconds brought a smile to my face and were a nice break from the usual racing around.

On other occasions, I found myself connecting with nature. One afternoon, I noticed two huge hawks circling high in the air. I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. They were mesmerizing. I stood in amazement of them for a few minutes. It was something I would usually miss.

Being intentional

In addition to these accidental moments of presence, I was more intentional this month. I thought more about the environment around me and how I want to spend my time. I took time for things I enjoy, abandoning the to-do list or losing myself in a creative activity. I lit candles more often so I could enjoy the pleasant scent when walking through the house. I turned off the TV several times while cooking. I love watching the news, but listening to music made my time in the kitchen so much more enjoyable. These were small, intentional changes that brought some joy to the day.

Practicing self-compassion

Finally, being more aware of my self-talk helped me to identify times when I could use some self-compassion and choose the path of least resistance. As I mentioned multiple times, I’ve got a nasty mean girl inside. She’s never satisfied and always finding my faults. She’s a task-master who makes it difficult to relax.

For example, this past weekend I needed some down time. I was tired and just wanted to lay in bed and watch mindless Bravo shows. I started thinking, “You’re being lazy. Don’t you have a million things to do around the house? Shouldn’t you be spending more quality time with the boys? Shouldn’t…” Before the thoughts turned worse, I was able to recognize the mean girl and label it. I reminded myself of my desire to practice being, not doing. I reminded myself that not only was it ok to do nothing, but it was necessary. I have a long way to go when it comes to self-compassion, but I’m getting better at noticing and quieting that mean girl.

Looking forward

Overall, I would call my Commitment to Calm month a success. I’m in a better place emotionally, more present, and calmer more often. As a result, I’m even more confident meditation, yoga, gratitude, and fun are key to experiencing more calm in my life. However, it would be naïve to say my problems are solved. This is an ongoing work-in-progress, and I still have so much to learn and figure out. This past month has really motivated me to keep going, and I’m dedicated to sharing the journey with you.

Have you committed to calm? Leave me a comment and tell me about your journey!

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