Try this variation on your usual gratitude practice: write gratitude letters. I’m doing this for Valentine’s to spread some love and get the well-being boost.

In my original Commitment to Calm, I committed myself to practicing gratitude by writing in a gratitude journal. I completed this gratitude activity on three occasions throughout the month and documented the results here. To summarize, this activity had a big impact on my level of contentment throughout the month. In the past, I had similar success by writing a gratitude letter. It’s a great way to increase both the sender’s and receiver’s contentment. So much so, that I plan to write gratitude letters instead of valentines this year.

For more on the benefits of gratitude and ways to practice it, see here!

Gratitude letter defined

We know practicing gratitude has physical, social, and psychological benefits. One way to practice gratitude is to write a gratitude letter, a thank-you to a special friend, colleague, or relative for something they did for you. It expresses your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life.[1] The letter doesn’t have to be overly complicated or long, but it should be specific. Rather than serve as a vague thank you, the letter is more effective if it refers to at least one event with details.[2] Document why this event was important, the impact it had on you, and how it made you feel.

Research on gratitude letters

One of the earlier studies conducted on positive psychology interventions measured the effects of this activity on perceived happiness and depression.[3] Participants assigned to the gratitude visit group were given one week to write and then deliver a letter of gratitude in person to someone who had been especially kind to them but had never been properly thanked. Results showed this exercise increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms for a month!

These positive benefits can occur even when you can’t deliver the letter in-person. In a follow-up study, participants were asked to simply write and send three gratitude letters over the course of three weeks.[4] Thus, the in-person visit requirement was eliminated from this study. Over 200 men and women participated. Writing letters of gratitude increased participants’ happiness and life satisfaction scores, while decreasing their depressive symptoms. There have been multiple studies published since, documenting the positive benefits of practicing gratitude.

My experience with gratitude letters

I first read about gratitude letters a little over a year ago and was excited to try them out. Over the course of a couple months, I wrote gratitude letters to my youngest child’s primary NICU nurses. Victor was born 15 weeks early and spent 189 days in the NICU before coming home. Having Victor in the NICU was one of the hardest things my husband and I have gone through. Although it was hard, there is so much for which we were thankful.

While Victor was in the NICU, we were encouraged to request specific nurses as his “primary” caregivers. This increased his continuity of care. Each shift the primary nurses worked, they were assigned to care for him. Obviously, Victor’s five primary NICU nurses played a huge role in our lives for the six months he needed intensive care. We trusted them with our child’s life, and they spent more time with him than we could. We are eternally grateful to them.

Victor came home five years ago, so I’ve had time to reflect on the experience and the vital role of his nurses. Writing a gratitude letter to each of them provided me with some level of comfort by allowing me to reflect on their importance and communicate my appreciation to them. I felt good each time I dropped one in the mail, and often heard back from them with appreciation. The gratitude letters benefitted me as well as each nurse. It was a great experience.

Gratitude letters for Valentine’s Day

I always feel good about life when I take a moment to list things for which I’m thankful. I haven’t formally practiced gratitude in a week and can tell I’m due. To switch things up a little, I thought it would be fun to write a few gratitude letters instead of journaling. Valentine’s Day provides the perfect opportunity this week! Instead of making or buying Andrew a card this year he’ll be getting a gratitude letter from me. I’m going to do something similar for the boys. I will write them a brief note documenting a specific experience with each of them that brought me happiness.

Try a gratitude letter as a variation on your usual gratitude practice or your typical valentines. Don’t have a significant other this year? No problem! Gratitude letters can be written to family, friends, and even colleagues. It’s a nice way to spread some love to those around you. Not only will it make the receiver feel good, but you’ll get the well-being boost as well. What a win-win!

For more ideas, mix it up with 3 more creative ways to practice gratitude. Bonus: these ones are kid-friendly!

I’d love to hear how it goes. Leave me a comment!

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[1] https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

[2] Hertzberg, K. (2018). How to Write a Letter of Appreciation: Helpful Tips and Examples. Retrieved from https://www.grammarly.com/blog/appreciation-letter/

[3] Seligman, Martin & Steen, Tracy & Park, Nansook & Peterson, Christopher. (2005). Positive Psychology Progress: Empirical Validation of Interventions. The American psychologist. 60. 410-21. 10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410.

[4] Toepfer, S.M., Cichy, K. & Peters, P. Letters of Gratitude: Further Evidence for Author Benefits. J Happiness Stud 13, 187–201 (2012). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-011-9257-7