Random acts of connection combine quality social interactions and random acts of kindness. Try them as a way to spread contentment and build gratitude.

Yesterday I received a random phone call from a distant family member. It was brief but brought me much joy. With today’s cell phone habits, these types of interactions aren’t as common as they once were. It got me thinking…both quality social connection and random acts of kindness increase happiness. What if we combine them into random acts of connection as a way to spread contentment and build gratitude?

A random phone call

Michelle is a family member through marriage, one of Andrew’s cousins. We’ve only seen each other in person a handful of times, if that, and rarely exchange direct communication. But I liked her since I met her. In the past, Michelle and I mostly exchanged pleasantries via Facebook. That was before I implemented some of the lessons from Digital Minimalism, and deleted Facebook from my phone. We haven’t interacted since then.

I received a late Christmas card from Michelle a few months ago. As a general rule, I try to send a text message to friends and family when we receive their holiday cards. It’s just a quick check-in to acknowledge their thoughtfulness or compliment their family photos. Since I wasn’t using Facebook, I sent a text to the only phone number I had for her.

I never heard back and wanted to make sure I followed up another way. So, I tucked Michelle’s holiday card on a memory board in the kitchen. There it sat, partially hidden by the kids’ artwork and random photos, for two months. Until yesterday. I hopped on Messenger and sent her a quick message, essentially the same thing I texted in December. She immediately responded and in the middle of pinging back and forth with messages, my phone rang.

Brene Brown quote on connection

Wait, I’m supposed to talk on this thing?

“I figured I’d just call. It’s so much easier than trying to catch up through messages,” she explained. It’s funny that we feel it necessary to justify making a call on our cell phones, but we do. The ease of email, text, and social media is partially responsible for a decrease in live communication. It was refreshing to hear from Michelle. We chatted for fifteen minutes at the most, but it was nice to actually talk instead of text. It brightened my day to receive her call, just as I imagine it brightened her day to receive a random message from me.

Similarly, I pick up the phone occasionally to call my Grandma Betty. She is my paternal grandmother, and my dad passed away in 2018. It’s the only way I can communicate with her in a significant way. Grandma Betty always thanks me for calling, usually multiple times throughout the discussion. I can hear in her voice how much it lifts her spirits, which in turn, lifts my spirits. It’s my way to connect with her and my dad.

My sister always picks up the phone to call me as well. Several times a week she calls to ask, “What’s new and exciting?” It gives us a few minutes to connect. Sometimes it’s brief or simply meaningless chatter about Netflix. Most importantly, it’s time that solidifies our relationship. We discuss things we wouldn’t necessarily take the time to text to each other. These quality social interactions just can’t be replaced by texts, emails, or social media posts.

Value in real social connection

The few phone conversations I have highlight the importance of maintaining real social connections. With the pervasiveness of cell phones and social media use, we live in a more connected world than ever before. But that connectedness can’t replace quality social support. Results of a recent study indicate a relationship between youth’s addictive cell phone use and feelings of social isolation.[1] But there was good news too. The same data showed the more real social support a young person reported, the fewer overall health, somatic, and psychological symptoms they experienced. Quality social connection benefits us.

Random acts of connection

If real social support makes us happier, it’s important to be proactive in maintaining those bonds. I appreciated the random call from Michelle, and value the calls from my sister, just as my grandma welcomes the calls from me. It’s part of taking care of those we love. It makes us all happier. Positive psychology research presented in The Happiness Advantage also shows committing conscious acts of kindness make us happier.[2] (For more, check out my Top 5 Lessons from the Happiness Advantage!) I would argue that connecting with someone is a way of being kind to them. So why not combine the two and commit random acts of connection?

Random acts of connection

Random acts of connection are unexpected, quality social interactions which spread joy. Examples could include picking up the phone to talk to a distant relative or friend, writing a gratitude letter to someone you haven’t formally thanked, or hiding an encouraging personal note in your kids’ lunch box. Michelle’s phone call to me was a random act of connection. None of these activities are revolutionary, but the need to commit and be conscious in my efforts is new to me. When I made my Commitment to Calm, I wanted to be more present in my life and feel more gratitude and contentment. Random acts of connection are a great way to do just that.

Have another idea for a random act of kindness? Leave me a comment!

Want more? Consider signing up for Take Five, a weekly newsletter containing five things to reflect on and inspire your own journey to a calmer state of mind.

For real time updates, follow me on facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest!

[1] Yagoub Yousif Al-Kandari & Maha Meshari Al-Sejari (2020) Social isolation, social support and their relationship with smartphone addiction, Information, Communication & Society, DOI: 10.1080/1369118X.2020.1749698

[2] Achor, S. (2010). The happiness advantage. Crown Business.