Commit to Calm Day 3
My anxiety ruins fun by making me obsessed with my to-do list. I’m learning to let go and practice contentment as I work on calm.
Working on calm has been a challenge today. It is Sunday, and the kids go back to school tomorrow after the holiday break. It’s been much longer than the typical two weeks holiday vacation. They haven’t been to school in almost ten months due to the pandemic. Even when other kids went back, we decided to keep ours online for at least a little longer. Well now it is time, and I’m anxious. Anxiety like this makes it difficult to enjoy life.
How anxiety surfaces in the to-do list
When something like this is bugging me, I retreat inside my head. I become easily agitated and spend my time distracted by my own thoughts. It’s annoying, and I’m cranky. All day today I’ve been thinking of my to-do list. Like most busy people, I have an endless list of things I think should have been done yesterday.
When I get anxious, my motivation to get everything done goes into overdrive. I become obsessed with getting everything done. My obsessing today is obviously my way of controlling what I can (chores), because I can’t control what’s really bugging me (the kids going back to school).
I need to get the laundry done, take down the Christmas tree. Pack lunches! I haven’t done that in a long time. Do we have food? I better plan all the meals, make a grocery list, and place a pick-up order. Today. We’ve been thinking of changing the living room, let’s just rearrange the furniture now. Those chores I want the kids to start doing? Let’s do that now too. It’s been a week since Christmas and I haven’t done the returns. Let me just drop everything while I’m near the computer and do that. Why is everyone bugging me!? It’s lunch time? Let me just finish this work on the computer. Now I’m down a rabbit hole, shopping for workout clothes to replace the Christmas returns. I never did schedule Scooby’s grooming. Better get that on the books. Or maybe I’ll just bathe him tomorrow. Add that to Google Tasks. Rocco’s birthday is coming up, need to plan that. Yesterday! When is the handyman coming tomorrow? Need to get stuff ready for him. This room is a mess. I want every room I walk into to be tidy, need to pick up…..
And it goes on and on, in an endless loop. It’s exhausting. Andrew could pick up on my energy immediately this morning. “One thing at a time. Remain calm,” he said with a nudge to my Commitment to Calm. The best thing about making the commitment and hanging it on the fridge is everyone knows I’m working on it and can help me with reminders. The worst thing about making the commitment and hanging it on the fridge is everyone knows I’m working on it and will annoy me with reminders. But that’s why I’m here working on this, right?
Prioritizing self-care decreases anxiety
So, I prioritized. I could tell I needed to get my workout in first. My anxiety is much easier to calm with cardio. Research has shown exercise training can improve anxiety.[1] I love when there’s science to back me up! Instead of the hour the perfectionist inside was pushing for, I did 30 minutes of exercise. It was a relief. As I’m trying to remind myself, it’s not just good enough, but amazing.
I felt so much better, I was inspired to stretch. I put on my headphones, listened to my calming soundtrack and took time for some self-care. It was nice to have a few minutes to think about my body, to think about the self-compassion lesson from yesterday. Even more motivated, I stayed sprawled out on the floor and did a simple five-minute meditation.
In total, this was the most productive 40 minutes I spent this morning and it had nothing to do with my to-do list. I felt like I didn’t have time for self-care, when that’s what I needed the most. This reminds me of a Buddhist saying I’ve seen quoted in various forms online. It alludes to the idea that if you don’t have time to meditate, there’s nothing you need more than to meditate. It goes something along the lines of…
You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. Unless you’re too busy, then you should sit for an hour.
Buddhist Saying
Having more fun and my Commitment to Calm
Unfortunately, the calming effect I experienced from working out, stretching, and meditating was short-lived. I dived right back into my chores. After lunch, we were sitting at the table discussing what needed to get done next. Rocco, my oldest, reminded us of the promised family bike ride. I looked at Andrew and countered, “I don’t know how we are going to do that and…”
I was tempted to keep trudging along, crossing things off the list. But a little nudge inside made me stop. Don’t I want to enjoy my life more? I bossed myself around all day and it wasn’t working. I’m tired of letting the anxiety rob me of fun. That’s part of why I included doing something “just for pleasure” on my Commitment.
Without letting myself change my mind, I blurted out, “Let’s go on that ride.” We got up and left, dishes in the sink, laundry in the washer, Christmas tree still assembled. It wasn’t a long ride, but it was a perfect ride. We live near a bike path with greenery and lakes. Arizona’s weather is beautiful right now. I don’t regret that bike ride for a second.
Had I gotten the laundry done instead, I wouldn’t be any happier with myself. I so often say “no” to having fun for the sake of getting something done. This is a reminder to myself that being present and enjoying moments with my family is so much better. This doesn’t come naturally to me, but I’m working on it.
How about you? I’d love to hear your story. Leave me a comment!
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[1] Bonita C. Long & Rosemary van Stavel (1995) Effects of exercise training on anxiety: A meta-analysis, Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, 7:2, 167-189, DOI: 10.1080/10413209508406963
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