When we get stuck in an emotional loop, find ourselves constantly riding an emotional roller coaster, or feel hijacked by stress and anxiety, life can get overwhelming. “Name. Notice. Nurture.” is a 5-minute practice that can help us move through our emotions and choose a more purposeful response.

How to Practice “Name. Notice. Nurture.”

When you feel emotional, pause to answer these three questions:

  1. NAME: What emotion(s) am I feeling?

Is it the true emotion or is it a symptom of another emotion? i.e. Anger is often a symptom of pain or fear.

2. NOTICE: Where in my body do I feel this emotion?

What sort of sensations can I detect? If it were a color, what color would it be? Is it hot or cold? Soft or hard?

3. NURTURE: What do I really need right now?

Is there something I can do to care for myself? Do I need to request something from others? What response would be most productive right now?

Why “Name. Notice. Nurture.” Works

There are several reasons why the practice of “Name. Notice. Nurture.” helps us work through and move past difficult emotions. Let’s break it down by each step.

Naming our emotions gives us perspective.

When we are drowning in our emotions, we lack the clarity needed to process them. Think of it as being stuck in the middle of a storm. We have no perspective. Everywhere we look, it’s storming.

However, if we can remove ourselves from the storm (even if just temporarily) and get to a better vantage point, we can see the storm for what it is: a temporary discomfort with a beginning and an end. I like to think of this as shining a flashlight on my emotion or bringing it into the spotlight. When we name our emotions, we gain a valuable vantage point that brings us clarity.

Emotional clarity is important. Research shows those who lack emotional clarity often have problems regulating those emotions, leading to symptoms like depression, social anxiety, borderline personality, binge eating, or alcohol use.[1] Another study revealed emotional clarity is associated with well-being scores and positive coping mechanisms.[2] Thus, if you can label it, you can work on regulating it.

It’s important to remind ourselves we feel an emotion, we are not that emotion. For example, say “I feel anxious” instead of “I am anxious.” This gives us space from the emotion and highlights that our emotions are transitory. We won’t always feel this way. It may sound minor, but the words we use to talk to ourselves carry weight.

I wrote about the positive effects of labeling my own anxiety here!

Noticing our emotions helps us work through them.

When we notice our emotions in our bodies, we actively participate in the “feeling” of our emotions. It gets us out of our heads (which are often filled with unhelpful ruminations) and down into our bodies. In other words, noticing our emotions in our bodies directs our attention in a way that allows us to process them.

When we fail to feel our emotions, we resist processing them and they don’t run their course. Our emotions continue to hijack us until we give them our attention.

Think of it like an important task you keep forgetting to write down on your to-do list. You continue to think about it at the most inopportune times, causing the stress to build. And yet, as soon as you remember to write it down, your brain stops pinging you with reminders.

Emotions are similar. They continue to boil up to the surface until they are processed. It’s helpful to remember, “resistance equals persistence.” Feeling emotions is how we work through them.

When we notice our emotions in our bodies, we are practicing mindfulness. It brings us into the present moment and physical body. Each time we practice identifying our emotions in our bodies, we strengthen our ability to be aware and curious, two key elements of mindfulness.

Nurturing ourselves alleviates emotional discomfort.

When we stop to ask ourselves, “what do I need right now?” it allows us to pause long enough to consider a more mindful, proactive response to our emotions. It’s the pause between a stimulus and response that we need in order to live a more purposeful, less reactive life.

When we provide ourselves with the real comfort we need in the moment, we are meeting our emotions with a higher level of self-compassion. Those who react to their emotions and experiences with self-compassion are less likely to suppress unwanted thoughts and emotions, score higher on emotional intelligence, have higher self-esteem, and are less likely to get flustered or humiliated by something embarrassing or negative.[3]

You can find my complete discussion on self-compassion here!

Small Changes, Big Transformation

Practicing “Name. Notice. Nurture” whenever we feel hijacked by our emotions is a small change that helps us prioritize our health and build resilience. Wellness doesn’t have to feel so overwhelming. Give this practice a try this week and let me know how it goes!

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[1] Vine, Vera & Aldao, Amelia. (2014). Impaired Emotional Clarity and Psychopathology: A Transdiagnostic Deficit with Symptom-Specific Pathways through Emotion Regulation. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology. 33. 319. 10.1521/jscp.2014.33.4.319.

[2] Carol L. Gohm & Gerald L. Clore (2002) Four latent traits of emotional experience and their involvement in well-being, coping, and attributional style, Cognition and Emotion, 16:4, 495-518, DOI: 10.1080/02699930143000374

[3] Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion. HarperCollins Publisher.