Here’s How To Avoid It!
When building new habits, be on the lookout for the all-or-nothing mentality. This common behavioral change pitfall squashes motivation and derails progress. Here’s how you can avoid it.
Does this sound familiar?
You want to be healthier, so you set a goal to get up every morning at five o’clock and work out for an hour. Or, you want to manage your stress so you set a goal to meditate 30 minutes every day. You might be successful for one or two days and then get overwhelmed and quit.
If this sounds like something you’ve struggled with, it’s likely the all-or-nothing mentality was at work. You are not alone!
An all-or-nothing mentality is the most common barrier my clients face when trying to establish new wellness habits. It keeps them from making progress or even getting started on their wellness journey.
What is an all-or-nothing mentality?
An all-or-nothing mentality occurs when we expect to start a new habit at 100% rather than ramping up and developing it over time. In other words, we try to start where we want to end up, rather than considering where we are right now. We fall into the trap of thinking we have to make the entire change all at once, and do it perfectly all the time.
For example, I have a wellness coaching client. Let’s call her Sheila. She wanted to get back to working out on a regular basis because she knew it would boost her mood, alleviate stress, and help her feel more confident in her own skin.
Together, we defined her wellness vision and assessed her satisfaction in the core areas of wellness. This highlighted discrepancies between her current and desired wellness. Sheila defined a three-month wellness goal, and we broke it down into a couple of small action items she could work on two weeks at a time.
And that’s when the all-or-nothing mentality reared its ugly head. Sheila started to feel internal pressure to do more. She commented that the steps seemed too small and wondered if the weekly action items were enough. Sheila thought she should jump from Point A to Point Z, skipping all the baby steps in between.
Why is the all-or-nothing mentality problematic?
The all-or-nothing mentality makes us feel like we need to set huge stretch goals and be perfect from the beginning. This is overwhelming and unrealistic, draining our motivation within days. We set unrealistic goals and then feel like failures when we can’t meet them. It’s a demoralizing cycle to get stuck in.
When we don’t think baby steps are “good enough,” we fail to recognize the value in progress. Going from Point A to Point B doesn’t feel like enough, so we don’t start at all. In this regard, the all-or-nothing mentality can be paralyzing.
How can we avoid an all-or-nothing approach to wellness?
Developing healthier habits by setting and achieving wellness goals doesn’t have to be doomed from the get-go. Instead, there are a few actions we can take to set ourselves up for success.
Build awareness.
Simply understanding the all-or-nothing perspective is helpful in being able to identify it when it pops up. And if you’re working on changing habits, it will pop up. Be on the lookout for perfectionistic or not-good-enough statements. Label them as all-or-nothing thoughts and refocus on small, attainable action items.
In my session with Sheila, we paused to discuss the all-or-nothing perspective as a lens through which she often viewed and judged herself. Sheila recognized this lens was not serving her goals and labeled it as unhelpful. Every time this sense of pressure arises, Sheila returns to this label and reminds herself this is all part of the process.
Break goals down into easy action items.
Defining the end goal is crucial in motivating behavioral change and developing healthier habits. However, these goals must be broken down into manageable steps. Focus on the small actions you can take today or this week that will get you closer to the overall goal.
In Sheila’s example, moving two times during the upcoming week felt easy. It felt so easy, she thought it wasn’t enough. However, if it feels easy, it’s a signal we’re actually on the right track! In fact, making a new habit feel easy is foundational for sustainable behavior change. Tasks that feel easy will get done.
Focus on progress.
Remember that sustainable behavior change takes time. None of this will happen overnight. It’s the small things, done consistently, over time that result in real transformations. For this reason, it’s helpful to compare ourselves to where we started, rather than where we want to end up.
Let’s take Sheila’s example. She wasn’t exercising at all. Finding time for two weekly sessions of meaningful, enjoyable movement was incredibly beneficial. It left her feeling energized and motivated to keep going. Two movement sessions created momentum that motivated her to do more the following week. Although it wasn’t her end goal, it was progress from her starting point.
Work with a health and wellness coach.
A health and wellness coach understands these common pitfalls of behavior change. They can help you set realistic goals, break them down into manageable action items, monitor progress, and identify course corrections.
Throughout the process, a health and wellness coach is on the lookout for the all-or-nothing mentality as well as other common barriers. They provide expertise in behavioral change so you can focus on reaching your goals.
In Sheila’s case, she repeatedly tried and failed to establish an exercise routine that would improve her health and well-being. Working with me as her wellness coach helped her recognize how she was sabotaging her own wellness goals from the beginning.
By changing the approach to behavior change, Sheila changed her habits. Throughout our work together, Sheila consistently completed and/or exceeded her action items. In other words, Sheila created a wellness routine that worked for her.
Take-Away
You can learn from Sheila’s experience. Consider where you are now and where you want to be, and define small, manageable steps that will get you there. Be on the lookout for the all-or-nothing mentality. When you recognize yourself falling into this trap, reorient your perspective. Recognize the value in baby steps, and compare yourself to your starting point, not your end goal.
Give it a try this week! It’s one day, one step, one breath at a time.
