Commitment to Calm day 21

Finding your flow means getting completely lost in an enjoyable activity. I felt calm and content when “in the flow” this week.

When I started my calm journey, I wanted to both decrease what made me unhappy and do more of what made me happy. After all, a huge part of being present for life is choosing to enjoy the moment. Taking time for activities I find pleasurable is key. This can be something small, like taking a minute to really connect with one of my kids. Or, it can be big, like engaging in an activity that puts me into a state of “flow.” When I find my flow I experience happiness and ultimately, calm. 

What is flow?

I first learned the term flow as a graduate student at Claremont Graduate University (CGU). It comes from the positive psychology movement, which focuses on increasing individual strengths and aspects that make life worth living.[1] I found positive psychology topics to be a fresh perspective from the traditional psychology focus on what makes us unhappy or needs fixing. Flow is a positive psychology term which refers to an individual’s complete absorption in an activity.[2]

One of the founders in positive psychology, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is a CGU Distinguished Professor and the founder and co-director of the Quality of Life Research Center (QLRC). He wrote the book on flow, literally. His TED talk, which you can view in its entirety here, discusses how he first defined flow. To summarize, he was interested in happiness. He knew from research that despite incomes rising in the US, our happiness levels remained constant. If we don’t have basic resources, we are unhappy. But beyond that, material goods don’t make us happy.

If accumulation of wealth didn’t do it, Csikszentmihalyi was curious what would make life meaningful and worth living. He looked to creative types like artists and scientists, who describe their work as meaningful despite having no expectations of fame and fortune. Study participants described an intense alternate reality while being creative. Everything else would just fade away, leaving the person and their craft. They did not feel self-conscious existence, like hunger or tiredness. It was exhilarating, true happiness.

Flow is being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Like being “in the zone,” a person experiencing flow has intense focus on the task, losing self-consciousness and sense of time. For you and me, this can happen with hobbies, passions, or sports. It requires being both challenged and possessing the adequate skills to be engaged in the activity. This activity is so enjoyable, intrinsically rewarding, and engaging, the person becomes fully present in the moment. According to Csikszentmihalyi, finding activities in which you experience flow can increase your happiness.

Flow and my Commitment to Calm

It’s easy for me to get overwhelmed by the demands of modern life and forget how to have fun. Instead of getting swept up in my endless to-do list, I want to be present for my life. Hence, my fourth activity on the Commitment to Calm is “enjoy life by purposefully choosing to do an activity simply for pleasure.” This could be a small act, like taking time to enjoy an uninterrupted glass of wine with Andrew or treating myself (pre-COVID) to a healing foot massage for stress relief. But it also entails activities that are an outlet for me, those physical or creative challenges in which I experience flow.

Although it’s not a frequent occurrence, I experience a state of flow during challenging exercise. For a while, I attended classes at a hot yoga studio. There were several instances in which I completely lost myself to the experience. The class was difficult but doable, and there was an overwhelming sense of community.

Hiking Sedona
Andrew & I hiking in Sedona

Similarly, I’ve experienced flow while on an amazing hike, getting completely immersed in the surrounding landscape and forgetting everything else. These experiences left me feeling amazing, with the sense of exhilaration, inner clarity, serenity, and timelessness described by Csikszentmihalyi.

Just as with physical challenges, I can get in a flow state with creative tasks. At Christmastime, I made ornaments for all our neighbors. I surrounded myself with crafty supplies I picked up at the store. Sitting at the kitchen counter, I came up with a design and experimented with the glitter, ribbon, and paint. It was fun to conceptualize the gift and make something with my hands. I forgot everything else I needed to get done, focusing solely on being creative. I felt both pride and contentment when they were complete.

This past Sunday, I made time for another creative activity I truly lose myself in: scrapbooking. I used to make the big paper scrapbooks with all kinds of papers, stickers, glue, and decorations. I’ve since moved onto the photo books you make online. I create one each calendar year, working on it throughout the year. I love to piece together our family photos and memories, play with the design, and create something visually appealing. The end-product is a book which brings me joy, and I even find the kids happily flipping through the pages. While finishing up our 2020 scrapbook, I lost myself in the task. By the time I finished, hours had flown by, and Andrew jokingly asked if I intended to get dressed for the day.

I feel happy while engaging in these flow activities. They provide a sense of time well-spent despite having nothing to do with being productive. When I finally look up or the task is complete, I feel good about what I’ve done. I benefit every time I find my flow. My Commitment to Calm is reminding me to take time for these activities.  Had I focused on being productive or crossing something off my list on Sunday, I would’ve missed out on truly enjoying the moment.

When do you experience flow? Leave me a comment!

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[1] https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-positive-psychology-definition/

[2] Nakamura J., Csikszentmihalyi M. (2014) The Concept of Flow. In: Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-017-9088-8_16