When we feel stuck it can prevent us from moving forward, changing a habit, or improving our lives. Often this happens when we focus on the wrong thing. To get un-stuck, we can use this simple mindset shift to change our focus.

Feeling stuck? It’s not uncommon for us to hit a roadblock anytime we try to change a habit or improve our health and wellness. In fact, it’s a normal part of the change process.

Occasionally we can get really stuck and feel like we’re just spinning our wheels. When this happens with my wellness coaching clients, I ask a simple question to help them shift their mindset and get unstuck.

From “What’s the matter?”…

When we’re stuck, it’s often because we are focused on answering the question “what’s the matter?” We think about what’s not going well, or what we didn’t do perfectly, or what didn’t go as planned. It’s a common pitfall of being a human and any behavioral change intervention.

As a side note, this is related to what’s known as our negativity bias, which I’ve discussed on the blog before. Read more here!

…To “What matters most?”

We can counter this natural tendency by shifting our mindset. Instead of focusing on “What’s the matter,” I ask my wellness coaching clients to consider the question, “What matters most?”

I remember when I first heard this question posed within the wellness coaching context during my training at the Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine. It was a real aha moment for me.

Answering the question, “What matters most?” does something that is key to effective, sustainable behavior change. It gets us to focus on our values. It forces us to shift our thinking from problems to priorities.

This approach is evidence-based. We know that behavior change is more sustainable when linked to values. It is easier to change when a new behavior reinforces something that’s important to us. This taps into our intrinsic motivation, which always trumps extrinsic motivation. (Read more on intrinsic motivation here!)

The simple question “What matters most?” helps us to not only define our values, but to reorient ourselves to them when we’re stuck. It’s an easy practice that counters our negativity bias, underscores value-based change, and helps us move forward in a productive way.

That being said, I don’t want to oversimplify. For some of us, being stuck can serve as a signal that we need to do some deeper emotional work with a licensed mental healthcare provider.

But for many people who are trying to change their habits, being stuck can simply mean we need some help shifting our mindset. If that’s the case for you, set aside a few minutes to answer these questions for yourself.

  • What matters most to you?
  • What is one small thing you can do today to support those values?

Practice Is The Process

Come back to this exercise anytime you feel yourself getting stuck. Remember, change is a process. This isn’t something that happens overnight, but rather requires practice.

You can start by paying attention. When you catch yourself stuck in “What’s the matter?” thinking, shift your focus to “What matters most?” Use your answer to that question to move forward.

Small Changes, Big Transformation

This is one small thing we can do to change our habits, prioritize our health, and build our resilience. Wellness doesn’t have to feel so overwhelming. Give this practice a try this week and let me know how it goes!

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