We tend to focus on the negative at the detriment of our well-being. However, we can learn to protect against this automatic response by learning to savor the good. It’s a 5-second self-care practice with lasting effects.
It’s human nature to focus on the negative. Consider, for example, a performance review in which we receive mostly positive feedback. The one negative comment we receive from our boss will have a far more adverse effect on us than anything positive we hear. It will get almost all of our attention.
Focusing On “The Bad”
In Psychology we refer to this as the negativity bias.[1] We pay attention to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information. This means that a single negative experience can dominate our thoughts, values, and judgements.
Popular hypotheses suggest the negativity bias is driven from an evolutionary basis, helping us to survive. For example, it should only take one mistaken encounter with a predator to learn how to avoid them in the future. That one negative experience will forever stay with us and motivate us to avoid the same mistake.
A Modern Day Dilemma
What works for evolution can suck for modern day survival. Imagine our bad experiences are lead bricks and our positive ones are feathers. When put on a scale, the lead bricks pile up quickly and overwhelm one side. Pretty soon, everything seems bad, and our well-being suffers.
Unfortunately, we can’t change the fact that life is full of lead bricks. The bad won’t go away and we can’t ignore it. (Remember, resistance = persistence!) Instead, it’s helpful to make those feathers heavier. By increasing the attention we give to positive experiences, we can balance out the scales.
Savoring “The Good”
One way to balance the scales is through the act of savoring, attending to, appreciating, and enhancing positive experiences.[2] It is the exact opposite of the negativity bias. The difference is, we have to be intentional about savoring whereas the negativity bias is automatic.
Instead of letting a positive experiences, thoughts, or sensations pass quickly, we can practice savoring them. This requires us to pause and enjoy them. If we stay with it for even just a few seconds, the experience gets more of our attention, is encoded deeper into our memory, and has a more positive effect on us.[3]
Here’s how to practice:
Pause
The next time you notice something positive, stay with it longer than usual.
It can be anything from the delicious smell of baking cookies, to a comforting touch from a hug, to an enjoyable memory that pops up as you’re driving. You just have to give it a few seconds of attention.
Take note
Pay attention to the positive details of the experience, giving your five senses particular attention.
Consider how it feels, what you smell, see, or hear. Give your attention to what you love about this particular experience.
Enjoy
The more you focus on the positive elements of the experience, the better you feel (thank you dopamine!). The better you feel, the easier it is to continue to give the experience your attention. Savoring encodes the positive experience deeper into memory for a lasting effect.
The entire process of savoring an experience requires but a few seconds. It’s a quick, evidence-based way to boost our positive experiences. What we savor sticks with us longer, countering all those negative experiences that typically hog our attention.
Savoring the good is a proactive way to counter our natural tendency to focus on the bad. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!
[1] Kanouse, D., & Hanson Jr, L. R. (1971). Negativity inEvaluations. Attribution: Perceiving the Causes ofBehavior, eds. Edward Jones, David Kanouse, HaroldKelley, Richard Nisbett, Stuart Valins, and BernardWeiner, Morristown, NJ: General Learning Press. KanouseNegativity in EvaluationsAttribution: Perceiving the Causes of Behavior1971.
[2] Bryant, F. B., & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Erlbaum Associates.
[3] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/taking_in_the_good
